Hey everyone, so I know it has been a while but I’m back!
So today’s blog is a little different from the others that I have been thinking of writing. I wanted to talk to you all about starting over in general.
This year has been quite the experience, I’ve met new people, learned that I never want to take chemistry again, and that life has a purpose for me somewhere in this world. In this upcoming school year I’m going to be a Senior. Even saying it sounds so… foreign… I finally stopped saying I couldn’t believe it, because now I can.
Anyway, people would most likely consider Senior year being a year for endings, but for me it’s not. Allow me to explain. All my life I’ve been someone who has constantly needed some kind of change. A change of pace, people, scenery, etc. For the past few years I’ve changed who I was and now I’ve decided to change my surrounding and how I conduct myself in them.
So, for my senior year I have decided to:
A. Get rid of all the garbage in my life. Meaning all the people who can’t seem to grow up, get their shit together, and figure out what they want. I’m done being nice to these people who do nothing but think I’m some ignorant person who can just drop everything just for them. No! Don’t take my kindness for granted because when you need it the most guess what? I’m not going to be there to help you or save you because I know you are just going to screw me over like you did before.
B. Focus on myself. School is a very important piece in my life, I’m not saying I love it, but I try my hardest to make sure I do well, if not better. My grades were fine this year, but I’ll be going to college in a matter of a year and grades right now are freaking crucial! Now, I’m not saying I’m going to become one of those weirdos who sits in their rooms and study’s all day long and sings to my dog. No. I just need to focus on my mental and physical health. The gym is going to be my new best friend this year. I’ve been meaning to get back on that horse, but excuses and business have caused me to fall off and run away from the whole thing. So the gym yes, people no.
C. Volunteer my time to those who really need it. I love to volunteer. It’s what keeps me breathing, if I didn’t have it I think a little part of me might die inside. So, I’ve decided to make myself go out there and volunteer more with hospitals, the disabled, and whatever else I can do.
So some tips for you all to take if you too would like to start over:
1. Give it a chance.
2. Make a goal of what you want to change.
3. Come to a personal conclusion of who or what you want gone.
4. Extract any poison (i.e. People, personal items, activities) from your life.
5. This mind sound silly but create a new playlist on your iPod’s to help you get in the mood for a new life.
6. Change your look.
7. Change your attitude.
8. Change your outlook on life.
9. Fall in love and deal with everything there is to come.
10. Tell those who you love that you do love them and make an effort to mend some wounds that have been opened.
I know it’s only a few, but sometimes you have to start small. So what are your plans for your starting over?
Hey kiddies! Did you notice the topic? Great want to keep reading? Swell, just keep scrolling!
So, as you can see today’s topic is about being self conscious and achieving the counter part of being self confident in yourself and all that you do.
Have you ever asked yourself “Am I wearing the right clothes?” or “Is that person starring at me, did I do something wrong?” or my favorite “I wonder what he/she thinks of me?” Believe me I’ve seen, done, felt, and asked them all and countless more. I know what it means to be self conscious about my life, clothes, looks, and who else knows. I used to be extremely self conscious about myself. Remember in the last blog when i mentioned that ugly sweatshirt? Well, I used to hide behind that thing like it was a wall and I would never take it off unless I went home. I hated that stupid thing because it held me back from who I was really supposed to be.
That is one the more symbolic things that show your low self esteem and how letting others unsaid judgment rule your life. I used to be very quiet, wouldn’t speak unless spoken to, and only interacted with those who asked me to do something. I was freaking push over and didn’t have the strength I have today. Now, today I’m this beautiful, strong, and confident woman who won’t let anything or anyone get in my way when she does something. Of course this fairy tale isn’t over, I promise. I still feel like that little chubby, underdeveloped girl from 2 years ago. Usually it is when I’m presenting something, choosing an outfit, or talking to new people. I’m 2 people, quiet and polite then crazy and loud the next. I deal with it the way I can, which is sometimes by making others laugh at my silly anecdotes or flippant comments.
I really don’t think anyone can be completely confident in themselves all the time, but I try to be that way at least 5% of the time. The other 95% is strutting my stuff, flipping my hair, and pushing up my hipster glasses to study for that History test next week. :) I’m not perfect, but I am damn sure not afraid to admit I’m not some robot with nothing wrong with me. Everyone has shit that breaks them, even me, never think you are alone because I’ll be right there holding your hand (metaphorically of course) and helping you venture into that dark hole we call our self esteem.
So moving onto how I’m going to help you here are some things I personally did to help me gain that beautiful self confidence that makes up Ashleigh (Warning! Not all may apply to you, but try ‘em anyway can’t hurt to though huh?):
1. Keep your morals, integrity, and control on what is important to you in life. Do not change yourself unless you intend to hold onto your values. This leads me to opinions of others. Do not, and I do repeat, do not, let what others think of you change your perspective of yourself. If someone comments on your clothes or actions just know that they are their opinions. They do not control you, you control you. If you liked what you were wearing and what you did then screw their “opinions” they aren’t worth your time tossing and turning.
2. Listen, listen to the positive. Everyone loves to examine and criticize themselves on the negative imperfections about themselves. STOP. Stop doing that, it isn’t mentally or physically good for your health. If you want an honest opinion on you, ask your loved ones, best friends and block out the negatives, because in the end the good will outweigh the bad. This only helps if you are willing to accept criticism, both good and bad.
3. Empathy (the imagery of envisioning yourself in someone else’s shoes) will either be your down fall or build up. For example if you are worried about how you look, use empathy. Ask yourself? If I saw someone else wearing that skirt, what would I say? What would I think? Would I even care? That is one effective way to overcome being self conscious. Ask the question, would I even care? chances are, when you realize it, the situation that you are stressing over becomes nothing. Most of the time, the situations we stress over the most are the situations that others never take notice of.
To defeat that evil little monster, all you have to do is remind yourself of your positive traits and that self conscious feeling will go away. It may go right away, but for others it may take a little longer, have some patience.
Now onto the good stuff, self confidence! Say it with me, self confidence is good! I’m genuinely a positive person and don’t bother to dwell on the negative and believe everyone can do anything, but people have told me others take more time to do what I do. So I took that to heart and came up with some ways to be self confident:
1. Take Action. Get it Done. Meaning get off your rump and go do what you want the most and just go ducks to the pond crazy and do it. Just do it. Because nothing says I have confidence like, “I’m going to not stress over that test tomorrow, study for a while then rest. I will get that A.” Next day you roll up out of that room with a big old fat A on that paper. You have confidence. You knew you would do well by not stressing and instead you studied, slept, and achieved success. Boom, how’s that for confidence in yourself?
2. Face your fear. Now I have the fear of allowing myself to have an intimate relationship with a guy because I’m afraid to admit that something will go wrong and we will have problems. I mean who doesn’t have commitment issues? Now, I’ve known this for a while and haven’t really addressed the issue until a week ago where I finally stopped trying to pull back and just let go. Now I have a better security of my feelings and will eventually date someone when I feel I am ready. That’s the first step, addressing that fear. Knowing it can’t hurt you anymore than you let it. I say, just take that fear by the throat and tell it to shove off because a new and improved you is here to kick some ass in life. Don’t runaway from it, just know it’ll only come back if you do. Be curious too, the more you find out about your fears the better sense of self you gain will attribute to more than you can imagine.
3. Failure and being wrong is O.K. Don’t think you are automatically screwed if you don’t find that self confidence you went looking for. It will come in time. It takes time and skill to master this sort of thing, it just doesn’t happen over night like we all wish it did. I’ll admit I’m a failure at a lot of things; sports, trusting people, Chemistry, and simple stuff. Plus, I don’t know when to admit I’m wrong because I’m a stubborn little monster. Although I know I’m wrong, but something always keeps you back when you feel your are losing a losing battle. Just realize being a failure is OK, if you don’t hit your self confidence on the nose the first try it’s OK, you can try again and can only learn from your mistakes. Being wrong is OK, not everything is right anyway! Why be mainstream when you can be counter cultural and make a new and improved difference on yourself? Spice it up a little! By doing this you learn, you grow,You gain experiences you could not get any other way, you become stronger, and your chances of succeeding increases.
Knowing this, doesn’t being confident sound pretty damn good? If not that’s OK, you do what you feel right and get back to me. If yes, wonderful! I love neither of you any less, so take these tips and use them at your disposal. I mean it, I can only do right by you if you let me.
One last tip, get to know yourself and what you want out of life. Nothing is more important in knowing who you are and that is you are a beautiful, respectable, intelligent human being who deserves to be treated as such. As for knowing what you want out of life, I can only use myself as another example. I want to go to college for my Bachelors in Nursing, to get married to most incredible man in my own eyes, have beautiful children that I can shape and mold into beautiful human beings like you all out there, and grow old knowing I left some sort of imprint that will carry on with my own legacy. I’ve learned that this will help develop that beautiful flower of self confidence that is waiting for you inside all the confusion and chaos.
I did an interview today with a good friend of mine (Charlotte from the first blog) and got her thoughts on our topic today.Her name is Jesse and she is a gem, she agreed to meet me today and help me with another opinion on today’s topic. Hope you enjoy!
Me: Hello Jesse, thank you for sitting down with me today.
Jesse: Thank you for having me
Me: So I called you today to ask you some questions on Self Confidence and Self Consciousness. Are you alright with revealing any thoughts or experiences with me today?
Jesse: Of course.
Me:Alright, first question, what are your own thoughts about being self confident?
Jesse: Um.. I guess self confidence varies from person to person. Many peoples opinions about you will differ is one thing that comes to my mind. Some others i think of when thinking about being self confident are the people, clothes, and hobbies that help with determining one’s self confidence. Being self confident is like accepting who you are and not needing anyone else’s opinion or approval to confirm who you are.
Me: Very insightful, I love that last line. What is one thing that you believe leads to being confident?
Jesse: Humor, because if you can laugh at yourself and know that laughter can almost cure anything means a lot to me. I always say, “Laughter is the medicine to life.” Without it I don’t life would be much fun for me. It’s how I, yourself, and others cope with things about themselves.
Me: *laughs* I agreed completely with that statement. Okay, can you give us your background story with one challenge involving being self conscious?
Jesse: When I was in middle school I had terrible acne and would always cover it up with make up. I hated going out without it. I felt like people were judging me and just planning on different ways to make me feel like shit. After I got rid of most of the acne I still had scars and the makeup hid that. Now though, I feel so much more comfortable with myself now that they are gone. After jumping that hurdle, it helped me with other issues in my life, like weight loss.
Me: I’m really glad that worked out sweetie, I really am. Now, what was the worst part of being in your youth, given the story you have told me? And can you explain that issue to the extent you would like please?
Jesse: Sure, let’s see. The worst part was being told I wasn’t loved by my adopted parents and biological mother. People told me that she gave me up because I was a burden, damaged, or that she hated me. I know now that isn’t true because I am very close with her now and with the rest of my family. But it all left a lot of emotional damage to me. I became depressed and couldn’t really understand why people would say that to me when it wasn’t true. My family loved me and that’s all I needed to know. But the verbal abuse still hurt and haunted me.
Me: Wow, hearing it like that kind of makes me understand you a lot more. Alright, now has there ever been a time where you have felt the most confident in yourself?
Jesse: Probably now, junior year. I’ve learned who I am as a person, beautiful, intelligent, and hilariously crazy. I’ve learned who my real friends are, who I know I can’t trust, and those acquaintances I got rid of to better my life. Now, I just live life and roll with the punches.
Me: Spoken like a women who knows who she is. What do you do to repeal that self conscious feeling?
Jesse: Listening to music that equates with the current situation. It helps clear my head and focus on the things that are really more important. Plus I love going up to the mirror and giving myself pep talks to ready myself for the day or situation at hand.
Me: Music, very good thing. Okay, so I watch your makeup videos on YouTube and fairly enjoy them, do you plan to pursue a career in this field? Why?
Jesse: Yes, yes I do. I would like to go to Joe Blasco College in Florida to study cosmetology. I originally wanted to be a Marine Biologist, but I wanted to do something that when I wake up I know I’ll get up to get that gratitude for making someone look and feel beautiful. Like nurses helping someone, I want that to. I want to know that what I changed someone’s life for the better and helped them with their own happiness.
Me: That’s amazing, I hope that all works out for you sweetie.
Jesse: Me too, I want it more than anything. Nothing means more to me than helping others.
Me: A very good trait to have. Alright, two more questions. Do you have any tips for gaining self confidence?
Jesse: Yes I do *smiles*. For one, instead of pointing out the negatives, point out the positives. Like for example, pick out one thing you love the most about yourself. Find your vice and keep everything calm. I know, easier said than done. But don’t freak out about things you can’t change, but get excited for the things you can improve. By the end of the day you’ll feel better knowing you have that one beautiful thing about you to gawk over.
Me: I love that advice, I honestly can say I will use that myself. I think I even stated it earlier in the blog. Ok, last question. Do you have anything to say to our readers?
Jesse: Um… basically you know… how do I put this? Life happens you can’t change everything, but you can do something about them. Make the most out of any and every situation. *smiles*
Me: Thank you for all of your wonderful and insightful advice sweetheart. I really do appreciate it.
Jesse had to leave after that, but I think she helped me with the area of this department of someone who has struggled like myself with self image, emotional problems, and physically and mentally overcoming the rain before the storm that is life.
I love you all so much and hope you will take what I’ve said and what Jesse has said to heart. I hope you learned something and keep learning! xoxo I love you my darlings, thank you Jesse for everything you have done for me in my life and thank you to all the haters, bullies, and supporters who helped me get here.
Link to Jesse’s YouTube account: http://www.youtube.com/user/thenewmakeupaddictx2/featured
Subscribe and like her videos she really does work very hard on them.
Love always xoxo Ashleigh
― Mae West"
Hello my lovely’s! Where do I even begin? OK, well how about a simple explanation on why I wanted to start this blog? Alright, well it all started a few years ago when I first entered high school. I was a very shy, awkward kid who didn’t know a single soul and I hated feeling like that. Then a year or so later I made some really good friends, but held onto my dearest friend Charlotte (her name is changed due to respecting her privacy) who I’ve known since my freshman year.
Anyway, I vowed to never let myself feel like that kid ever again. So, I completely changed myself for the better. I changed my hair, makeup, and threw away that ugly sweatshirt that I hid behind. I basically changed to make sure I was strong enough to be an example for the people I love to change themselves only if they are willing and ready to.
Now I wanted to create this blog, with the help of my close friend Anna. She and I have been through hell and back in our lives, not together but we have all the same issues as every hormonal teenager. So, in turn she has convinced me start a blog and then progress to videos to help anyone who wants some advice on the daily factors of life.
Therefore, today I am going to start with stress. Now we all know exactly what stress is; it’s that thing that eats away at your mind until you finally just throw your hands down and belt at the top of you lungs “TO HELL WITH IT!”. Now I don’t condone letting stress build up and becoming unresolved.
Now I don’t get stressed that often, but in times of dire situations I do tend to snap at people, begin to get depressed, and isolate myself from everyone. Now the only things I know that makes me feel better are my friends, listening to music, and swimming. These things are just my Stress Free Agenda, but here are a few you can use yourself:
Time Management: This is important to anyone, because you and I both know that there seems to be not enough hours in the day to do that list of a thousand and one things. You really have to have some sort of day planner or memorized your entire “I need to get this done at this time on this day” schedule. Time management is seriously key in various situations, like per say Exams. Where I live this month is the time for major course exams and AP exams and everyone I know is cramming their little brains until they start seeing chemical equations when they blink or reciting the entire dictionary to some poor expecting homeless person. Believe me I’ve seen stress and know it can both kill a person and break them until all they can coherently say is, “A, B, C, D, E… which letter… I know the answer…”. Insert drooling, sleep deprived child.
The best thing to do is basically set that schedule for yourself. When you get home after school, clubs, work, or sports take some time to relax and plan out your day when you have completely agreed you need to turn yourself into a Time Management Guru. Basically get that planner and pencil in time to study, relax, and to take yourself out of that bubble and go have some fun.
Be Positive: There is nothing I hate more is when people are so negative about everything. “Oh God I hate this I have no time to do anything anymore.” or “I wish I could hang out but my life right now is complicated.” and “My parents want me to focus on studying.” Seriously I understand parents who are too overbearing on the whole school thing, but seriously guys? Stop making excuses! I am generally a pretty positive person and stress can make me want to be negative about everything. Making excuses go hand in hand with being avoidant of being positive.
Here’s my suggestion, go out and make up that time lost with your friend, take a long walk and just think about yourself, and stop blaming other people for your own issues. After you’ve done something about your actions, lets focus on your attitude. Instead of dreading on the things that could have happened, turn it around and focus on the things happening in front of you. Smile, for one, show that person who is having just as a shitty day as you that even though its all sucks you still have something to smile about. You could be in a new relationship, wore a nice outfit and got some compliments (which you should always say thank you for), or you could just be having one of those rare days were everything just worked out.
I’m not going to go on forever, but just be positive. Negativity gets you nowhere, ever. If you complain about every little thing, rag on yourself about things that you cannot control, or even bring people down in the process you aren’t only hurting yourself you are hurting those around you.
Now for my all time favorite:
Taking time for yourself: I love to just come home and exercise, dance around, or even play games with my sisters. Relaxing is everyone’s favorite hobby. There are so many things I LOVE to do to relax, like, going to the pool with my family when it gets hotter than a super nova, reading a new book (which I’ve been doing in my down time), and since my mom started working I like to be able to go shopping, watching a show together, or even talking. I love being active when I’m stressed; I have to be doing something productive no matter what, but when I have that day or those few moments where I can just sit down and breathe in the beautiful air of life around me and I hold onto that almost… magical feeling.
I’ve never taken things for granted. I was taught at an early age that you work for what you want and that you will never get something handed to you without ulterior motive. That is kind of what stress is like, you have to work in order to make it die down. No quick fix remedy is available for stress, now I know there is medication, therapy, and various other things that can deduce stress, but those have that ulterior motive involved with them.
So in conclusion stress isn’t that big a deal, its all in our heads. Take a bath, read a book, do some spa treatments, boys and girls, and just blare the most catchy, rhythmic, beautiful song you have on your iPod and let loose.
Don’t let life kick your ass guys, because in the end you’ll learn soon enough that you have more to live, look, and love for.
You are my lovely’s and I hope this helped. Leave me questions, topics, or anything you would like me to write next.
Here’s the link to do all that here: https://www.facebook.com/HighOnLifeAnAdviceBlogForTheLifeRockers